Scoring Kilojoules and Slaying Negative Self-Talk

This morning I had a major breakthrough on my Peloton bike. I blazed past my previous personal output record, beating it by 26kj. I was surprised to have so thoroughly kicked my own butt! I felt delighted and triumphant. Yet negative thoughts still tried to leave a nasty schmear on my pride. Ugh! The nerve!Don’t ask me what kilojoules are. I can tell you that I set a PR of 341kj just last week. My PR before that was 337kj, and I hit that last November. Today I pedaled my way to 367kj! A jump of 26kj in one week after basically plateauing for half a year is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.But it’s not about these numbers. To some Peloton devotees, 367kj is a walk in the park. To others, it may seem impossible. Yes, my numbers matter to me as a way of tracking my progress but here’s what matters more: that I put the pieces in place to be able to achieve this athletic feat today."How on earth did I slay my own record like that?!" I asked myself as I made my protein shake. It was the right combo of being both well-rested and warmed up; reaping the benefits of cross-training; sticking to a healthy (and still booze-free!) diet; and being determined to break through a major rainy day funk. I also love my instructor, Ally Love. She is steady and strong, creative and charismatic. Her positivity and confidence are contagious. She tells us that we’re bosses and you know what? She’s right. I bossed up today and I’m damn proud!Ok but really how did I do it?Sleep: I have been aiming for at least eight hours of sleep per night and mostly (miraculously) getting it.Warm up: I did this ride on demand, around 10:30 this morning. I had been awake since 6:30, so I was warm and energized.Cross-training: I am building strength and putting on muscle with my biweekly, butt-kicking kickboxing workouts. Kickboxing and spinning compliment each other really well for me.Diet: I have been on Weight Watchers for over a year now, and I still depend on tracking my food just as much as I did when I started. It's nice to experience how much better my body operates when I am eating clean (even if I am currently dealing with major sugar demons - but that is a post for another day).Exercise as therapy: We've had day and a half of non-stop rain and it's been a bummer. I went off the deep end into a sea of snacks yesterday (all tracked and it wasn't pretty) that left me feeling even more gross. Plus the ever-present everyday stressors of life y'all. So I was eager to use this workout to help me get out of my funk, and it did the trick!This also happened:"How on earth did I slay my own record like that?!" I asked myself as I finished my protein shake and headed upstairs to take a shower. Maybe I haven't been working hard enough in the two years since I got my Peloton. Maybe they changed how they compute output to make the numbers bigger. Maybe this is a fluke. Maybe I am a fluke.HOLD THE F UP. How am I still burdening myself with this BS? I have come so far. How am I still getting bogged down with my own self-imposed negativity and criticism and self-doubt?But here's the thing. I thought those thoughts. I gave them a moment of my time. They felt like old frenemies trying to move back into my brain. Familiar, but unwelcome. Just as they started to inflate their verbal Aerobeds with more hot air, I cut the power and kicked them to the curb. I quickly made a mental U-turn back to triumph.And that is where I'll try to stay. I remind myself that I am a work in progress, and it will take time to undo the decades of negative self-talk that has been sloppily fused with fear and doubt within my subconscious. But I have made so much progress. Just like with my Peloton output, there will be PRs and there will be plateaus. Such is life.367kj. It's just a number, but it's more than a number.