Dry January: A Necessary Glimpse of Technicolor

I was a gray area drinking wine mom. I never hit rock bottom. No one in my life ever told me I had a problem or needed to get help. By all outward appearances I looked happy and healthy. But on the inside I was drowning in a sea of shame and guilt. On the inside I felt powerless over alcohol. I knew my relationship with wine was dysfunctional but I did not know how else to cope with the pressures of motherhood, marriage, motherhood, motherhood, and generally figuring out what to do with my life… besides motherhood.

Here’s what I told people when I committed to Dry January 2018: “I just need to detox and lose some holiday weight.”

What I really meant was this: “I am ashamed and embarrassed and terrified. I feel completely out of control and completely alone in my struggle.”

Dry January changed my life. It marked the beginning of the end of my damaging and dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. I gained inner strength, confidence, and self-respect. Most importantly, Dry January offered me a glimpse into the Technicolor world that is sobriety. I was not ready to want it yet. Even the word “sober” made me feel very uncomfortable. But that glimpse into what my life could be was a spark that never extinguished.

Dry January did not solve all – or even any - of my problems. But it gave me hope. And that seed of hope was what I needed to take the next step in my journey, and the next.

Hope was what I actually needed, not detoxification or weight loss.

How did I complete Dry January without slipping?

One. I was ready. Which also could be understood as I was fed up. I was fed up with the drinking cycle in which I was stuck. I was fed up with hiding hangovers from my kids and my husband. I was fed up with the night sweats, the sour morning breath, and feeling like I started every day two steps behind.

Two. I forged connections - even though I kept myself relatively anonymous because that’s what I needed to do. I reached out online to a group of sober women and they welcomed me with virtual open arms. They offered me support, guidance, encouragement, and empathy. I could not have done it alone. I know that because I tried and never succeeded.

Three. I opened my mind. I read articles and books. I started following some sober Instagram accounts and listening to a couple of podcasts.

Four. I reflected on my experience every day. I did this to reinforce everything I was learning, and also for accountability. Every day, I wrote short posts on Instagram (they are still there - just scroll to the very bottom of my account). My account was anonymous and I did not have many followers, but it was enough. Knowing I had to report in every day - because I am a rule follower after all - was enough to keep me from slipping when cravings crept in.

I have to say that I wish I had known sobriety coaches existed! I would have loved extra support and I think I would have truly thrived - instead of just survived - if I had worked with a coach.

This is why I decided to become a coach, and why one of the first things I did was commit to writing and running my 4-Week Booze Break program starting in January 2022. This program is exactly what I needed in 2018 and I believe with my whole heart that there are women out there who need this program and who will benefit from it as much as I would have.

I believe with my whole heart that these women will find me. If you are one of them, welcome. I can’t wait to meet you and be a part of your journey.

If you are not ready, welcome. And please stay. Stay curious. That’s all you have to do right now. That is enough. You are enough.

We are enough.

To learn more about my 4-Week Booze Break program, click here.