How About No?
I said no to something yesterday. Something big: a job offer.
I said no to a job offer for a position that I would have rocked. I would have slayed. I would have knocked it out of the park.
And I almost said yes, because of that. Because I would have been great at it. Because my inner perfectionist people-pleaser likes to say yes to things she’s good at so that she can earn praise and feel valued. So that she can feel like somebody else’s enough.
What I realized, when I shushed the noise in my head and tuned in to listen to my heart: I need to be my own enough. I need to feel my own value. I need to praise myself for doing my own work. That is where I am in my life right now, and that is where I will stay for now.
How many times in your life have you said yes to something because you felt like you should, or because you’d be good at it, or because you were afraid of letting other people down if you didn’t? If you’re anything like me, the answer is countless.
Of course there are certain things we, as functioning adults, basically have to say yes to, like paying bills and feeding our kids and walking our dogs. But what about life’s myriad negotiables? Job opportunities, social outings, family holidays, things like that - how many times has your brain said yes when, for your heart, it was a no?
If you’re anything like me, and the answer is countless, here is your opportunity to stop cringing, get curious, and stay brave. You are reading this blog post for a reason.
Do you have a yes in your life that you need to make a no?
Do you have an open offer that you need to decline?
Do you have an event on the calendar to which you need to change your RSVP? (To either a yes or a no - because sometimes a yes can actually be a no, you know?)
In his cutie patootie little book Gmorning, Gnight!, Lin-Manuel Miranda writes, “You will have to say no to things to say yes to your work. It will be worth it.” I love this statement because it is simple yet versatile. “Your work” can be your job, your parenthood, or your personal work that you are doing on YOU. I said no to a job offer to say yes to my private coaching practice. But I also said no to that job offer to say yes to the personal work I am doing to dismantle my inner perfectionist people-pleaser.
It felt so good writing the email in which I graciously declined the offer and explained my decision with complete honesty. It felt so good to write authentically and candidly.
It felt a little scary to send that email. But it also made me feel brave. Because saying no is hard. Saying no to something that would be an easy route to praise and validation is hard. But validating myself, making a tough decision, and prioritizing the business I am building felt pretty darn great.
So I challenge you, yes you, whose eyeballs have made it this far: say no to something. (And remember, sometimes a yes can be a no!) Build a boundary to protect your peace, as one of my clients would say. Dare to defy expectations. Do the hard thing.
And let me know how it feels.
I’ll be waiting for you on the other side of that brave decision.
